I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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