We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
