dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
