I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
