sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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