im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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