whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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