just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
