come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
