I wish you could order shots online.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
