It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
