dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
