Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
