when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
