Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
