Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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