Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
