when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
