how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
