what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
