I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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