Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
