1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
