but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
