you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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