I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
