If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
