I just made out with a guy for $7.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
