Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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