I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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