Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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