So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
