oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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