The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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