We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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