so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
