MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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