just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
