She is in my trunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
