he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
