If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
