I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
