sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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