So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
