there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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