halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
