My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Randomize
