he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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