C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
