Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
