Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
