My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
