I'm drive I can fine osifer
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
