I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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